Friday, November 17, 2006

 
You know how on some magical days, you get home from work, fix a drink, knock it back and say "Oh, yeah! THAT'S why people drink!" Well, yesterday's interview with GWAR was the journalistic equivalent to that realization. I chatted with Dave Brocki AKA Oderus Urungus (GWAR'S only original member since 1985) about combat, sodomy, and yes, shitting on your cell phone. Feast mortals.

New Times: Out of curiosity, what kind of hotel does GWAR stay in while on tour?
Oderus: We don’t. We fly our bat-shaped helicopter back to Antarctica after every show to our top-secret GWAR fortress at the bottom of the planet … which is really the top of the planet, but you humans have your maps wrong.
Right. Do you have cable?
No, we actually have the “All-Eye.” All history, all humanity and all cable stations playing backwards and forwards…but we mostly watch midget wrestling.
Who have you sodomized lately?
Let’s see: the pope and Satan and Jesus, oh, and Hitler. We are equal opportunity sodomizers.
Could you kill something that isn’t human? Like, could you kill Chemistry?
Much like a War on Terror: it’s impossible – though I do hate Chemistry and math. I would actually like to try and kill Calculus.
How much blood, exactly, will have to be shed to wake the Giant Maggot?
Eleventy billion gallons, I think it is. Basically, however many people show up at a show, we just bleed it all and hope it’s enough to wake the maggot. That way, I can plunge a giant sword into his head. Although, it makes for a rather dull show ending -- the entire audience is dead – but hey, we’re not in it for the applause.
It’s almost the holidays: have you ever thought of cutting a Christmas or Chanukah album?
Yes we did think about it, but just as easily we forgot about it, I think it was Easter time [so we lost interest], but we might do a Groundhog Day album.
That’s nice, as a species they really don’t get enough street cred.
He’s rather a buffoonish animal, if you believe all of the television shows, but I believe they are truly savage and noble creatures.
I don’t mean to upset you, but you are a Scumdog of the Universe, yet you dropped your cellphone in the toilet …
It’s worse than that. I dropped the cellphone into the toilet before I sat down, then I proceeded to take a big shit on it.
Yeah. That’s a very “mortal” error – are you becoming more human?
Uh, the more I hang out with the human race, the more of their foibles seep into me out of osmosis. But that’s why I must kill them: I’m kinda like “Daddy” trying to erase a big mistake.
How do those human mistakes respond when you walk around in public?
I cause terror and confusion. So I prefer to dress up as [various] human beings when I go and check it all out, or you know, get a mocha.

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