The 'Hive

In Florida, we don’t have “traditional winter”. We do, however, have a snowbird homeless community that switches to peppermint schnapps so that everyone realizes it’s the holidays. For those who don’t really get close enough to the derelict to smell their wafting breath, Fort Lauderdale provides an alternative way to deduce Saint Nick’s imminent arrival: Christmas on Las Olas! Last night’s festival promised to present “Fake snow! Attractions! Santa!”. Well, they were all there, and so was I.

First things first…
1.) The Fake Snow. It was pretty much limited to this mound of jagged ice and slush that you see here. It was a pile maybe 6 foot by 6 foot, and approximately 4 feet tall. Whoa! Look out kids! It’s an avalanche! Mothers were overheard telling there children that yes, this is exactly how snow is up North. (Yes kids! Snow naturally tends to form in island-like piles in the middle of busy shopping districts, then, wealthy women in cardigans watch as their children poke it like a wild animal at the fair.)

2.) The Gayest Nativity Ever. Sunshine Cathedral, Fort Lauderdale's fiercest church for gays and lesbians, had a real crowd-pleaser of a living nativity scene. (My personal favorite is the flamboyant angel in back. Can't you almost hear him praying: "Dear baby Jesus, please let our masculine virgin Mary discover the benefits of microdermabrasion.")

3.) Santa: still living up to the stereotypes. Sorry about the tiny picture, I was playing "digital sniper" from across the "enchanted parking lot". Whenever "Mrs. Claus" would scoot one of those kids off of Santa's lap she would hand him his giant "Cup O' Mirth" before hustling the parents for extra "magical prints". Thanks for keeping it real, Santa.